So, what are you thinking about?

Why people, generally women, ask this question:
This question, if answered honestly, can give a good insight into how an individuals mind works. When diving in a car is the person next to you easily distracted by things around them such as other cars, people, billboards ect. or do they have particular interests that they think about more than other things such as the lines they would take on this road if they were on their motorcycle, what food sounds good for dinner tonight or what kind of shoe should they buy next to add to my collection. Women tend to be the one, more often then not, asking this question. Why? Because they are always thinking about something, no matter what they are doing there is almost always something inevitably running through their head and everything they think about always leads to something else. (Actually this is why a man can be having a conversation with a woman who and in the middle can ask a question that, to the man, came from out of nowhere.) Women ask the question, 'what are you thinking about' just to try to get to know who a man is a little better.

Why the most common reply from men is "Nothing":
One reason, ladies, that men tend to answer "nothing" often is because they feel that what they are thinking is so insignificant that it doesn't demand conversation. He thinks there is no significance about talking about the gun show this Saturday to you or the fact that he saw a monkey fling pooh at the zoo last Friday, you where not there, you will not be there, and most importantly you don't care about guns or pooh, so "nothing" becomes an easy automatic answer. Then if a woman insists to know what they are thinking, by that point what the guys was thinking was so unimportant to him that he forgot so "nothing" becomes, for the most part, a honest answer.

Now this is important for ladies to understand, no matter how unfathomable it may seem, but the most likely reason a man will answer "nothing" is because they where honestly thinking nothing. Example: a random woman sees something shiny and may start thinking about jewelry in some way, a man may see something shiny and zone out for 10 minutes. This is no joke, a man can actually go for periods of time without thinking a single thought so if their answer is "nothing" don't pester them and go on about 'well you always say that' or something like that, just let it be.

My Suggestion:
If you like asking this question as much as I, who in fact loves this question, do, turn it into more of a game. Don't ask "What are you thinking about?" ask "What is the most random thing you can think of?" It's fun because the answers are sometimes a bit more unique and you can still find out a bit more about someone as they may tend to think about things that are more familiar to them or things that they like. I like dogs and sci-fi so I may think of something like the poker playing dogs from that famous painting playing Star Trek 3D Chess instead of poker. Anyway, it's just a thought.

I was only trying to help!

Women Vent.
That's just the way it is. Now the problem that is frequently run into has a solution that most men know but few men can properly execute. It's understandable, your significant other has a problem and they have now brought it to you, so what do you do? Fix it! WRONG!

Common Knowledge: When a women is venting you do not try and fix anything, you shut your mouth, look concerned, and nod when appropriate!

This, of course, is much easier said than done. You are the man, you are there to fix things and even though, when venting occurs, you know you should fix anything, being the man you are, you try anyway. Well, STOP! We all know you are only trying to help, but to a woman you suggesting and attempts to help or fix are usually interpreted as "You must be too stupid to come up with the answer on your own." or "You're too weak to be able to handle this on your own." Now you may think those are far leaps for a woman to come to but in a woman's mind the issue she is venting over is nothing more that a problem she is working through and is only frustrated about it and want's to let off some steam. Granted if all she wanted to do was let off steam why doesn't she just go to the gym or kill some zombies on a game station? Honestly, who know why they can't just play paintball and forget about it, so don't even try to reason why. Just accept that simply talking, minus any action, will make them feel better and do the absolute best you can to leave it at that. I promise you will no longer find yourself asking "Why is she mad at ME now? I was only trying to help."

Ladies, this is for you.
If you are venting to your man and he keeps giving you suggestions rather than just listening to you DON'T GET MAD AT HIM. He honestly has the best intentions at heart. If needs be calmly explain to him that what you are talking about is not a problem that need a solution, and that you are just frustrated and letting off some steam. Also if you know your man has had a bad day and he's not very talkative don't worry about it. If he want's to talk he will. Other than that just give him a break to play a violent video game or have a couple of beers with his friend because he will be right as rain as soon as he deals with his frustrations in his own way.... Angry sex is usually a good treat for him on a bad day as well;-)

Observation

There is one thing in particular I have noticed over the years, and in saying what that observation is readers may at first think 'Well, yeah, that's obvious' and a while ago I would have said the same thing. But no matter how obvious the observation is when someone is trying to understand a person of the opposite sex this thought goes right out the window!

The observation is that not all misunderstandings or differences of opinion have to do with the difference between men and women or the "language barrier" there of. Many of these differences come not from any global stereotype of a particular persons gender but the individuality of that particular person.

The last blog I posted about Bob and Sue are a perfect example of this. The answer to Bobs question about weather or not he should have bought jewelry for his wife had less to do with women as a whole wanting jewelery, even though that is what it boiled down to, and more to do with Sues individual reaction as a penny pincher to an expensive gift.

Hopefully as I share more of the questions I am asked I will be able to clarify which instances have more to do with an individuals personality and which are truly a part of that Ultimate Language Barrier.

Buying Jewlery for my Wife

A friend of mine bought a very nice necklace for his wife for Christmas. Upon receiving it the wife said that she likes it but she doesn't want him to buy her any more jewelry. Why did she say this? What did she mean? Does she not like it? Should he have not gotten her the necklace?

Fact: Women like fine jewelry. Women especially like sentimental gifts. What, let's call him Bob, got for his wife was a gold necklace with a gold pendant of a mother and child with their one year old sons birth stone in it. Bob should not worry, he did a very good job. To understand why his wife said what she said you have to understand a bit about the wife. Sue, let's call her, is an auditor by trade and a penny pincher by nature. Bob and Sue are the kinds of people who discuss what they are getting each other for Christmas well before the day itself. Though this time Bob did not tell Sue about this special gift. Inevitably Sue, by her own nature, had to say what she said. She was concerned about the financial impact not because it was not wonderful but because it was money spent on her for something, well lets face it, unnecessary for survival. Also She may have felt guilty for not knowing and therefore being unable to return the gesture.

So should Bob have gotten Sue the Necklace? Yes. Should he continue to buy her jewelry in the future? Yes. But lucky for Bob the intervals between such romantic gestures can be greatly stretched.

As I said, women tend to like fine jewelry but if it is given too much such as every birthday or every Christmas this romantic gesture tends to lose its sentimentality. So for a good long lasting relationship I'd say once every other year to once every five years or so. Of course this also depends on the woman, is she someone who thinks she deserves the world, then once a year may not be enough. For a woman like Sue, once every five years or so, maybe even more, should be fine. Remember its all in context.

Congratulations Bob, ya did-done good!

What is the ultimate language barrier?

He's not stupid and she's not psycho, you just don't understand each other. Though they share a common phonetic alphabet and sentence structure men and women both have languages all their own. Throughout my life I have been surrounded by more men then most women and more women then most men. This has put me in an interesting position where many friends and colleagues tend to ask me questions such as "why did my wife do this?" or "why do guys always say that?" Now I, in no way, claim to be an expert on the subjects of either men or women but my observations through the years have always amused and even amazed me. I thought it was time that I shared the questions I get asked along my personal observations and attempts at answers to these questions. Feel free to give your opinions on the topics as well!